When walking down the aisle, nobody ever thinks that things will get to the point of breaking up/divorce but then, life happens. Divorce only sounds easy on the tongue but the process is not easy. It is one that if not handled well can leave one scarred for life. Sometimes people are afraid of divorce and they end up holding on to the relationship even after realising that it’s not going anywhere.
Reasons why most people fear a divorce
- People people people! What will people say?
- Having a failed marriage means I am a failure in life
- Staying married is good for the kids
- I will not be able to live alone
- Will I be financially well?
One societal Myth that is detrimental to people
“Marriage is for life”
Yes, that may be the ideal kind of situation but the world is far from ideal and living has more to do with how somebody is doing than just surviving and breathing.
- Firstly, if you were alone when you found your partner and you were not a failure then chances are, you are able to stay alone. You just need the right resources and energy to boost that again.
- When it comes to people, those who matter, won’t judge, and those who judge don’t matter.
- In terms of kids, they are better off staying with parents who have separated than in a toxic and loveless marriage that destroys their sense of love.
- In terms of finances, money is material, it comes and goes, you can still earn it if you work hard, it’s not tied to your marriage, your mind is.
- When we walk down the aisle, we all want a happily ever after and forever kind of union but sometimes, it doesn’t happen. This may leave one with feelings of anger, bitterness and betrayal. A whole lot of things run through your head, time wasted, money lost, your dignity, and a whole lot of other things but let me tell you, whatever you lost can never be compared to what you stand to lose by staying in that loveless and toxic marriage. Even though you may think you have lost so much, you still stand to lose more.
So what do you do, how do you move on and feel better after a divorce?
- Accept that it is okay to divorce especially after you have tried your best and your best was not good enough. Some things no matter how much you may want them to work, are just not within your control and you will lose more by holding on to them than letting them go.
- Forgive what happened. Forgive your partner for your own peace of mind. Forgive yourself too for what you have allowed yourself to put up with or the errors that you have made.
- Get support from family and friends.
- Sort out your financial means. As long as you are living on this earth, you need money to get by, and the more you drown in a financial mess, the more that divorce is gonna feel like the worst thing that ever happened to you.
- Engage in self-care activities such as physical and mental exercises. If you don’t take care of yourself and love yourself, you cannot love or care for your children or others.
- Allow yourself to love and be loved again. We all need it and we all deserve it!
- Get professional help. Sometimes nothing makes sense and all reason fails, please get help!
If you need divorce or relationship counselling, we are available at TNR CT.
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